Been a night filled with grief and more than a little impotent rage that I am not where I need to be. Also the knowledge that if I were there, things that needed said would fall on ears no longer capable of hearing them.

Neither of us are overly demonstrative. We tend to keep things to ourselves. I dearly hope he knows how much he is loved and how big the hole is he's leaving behind.

I intend to tell him too when I catch up to him in the hopefully distant future. And he'd better not give me any shit about it because, unlike the rest of the family, I'm a lot bigger than he is.

I love you Mike.

Gonna pour another drink. It's for you.