I love my wife dearly. She is the center of my universe and I refuse to contemplate life without her.
That said.
If I were to place her in a large room. Free of obstructions. Place a 20 foot tall, greased pillar in the center. Place a keyboard, in a hermetically sealed case, atop that pillar than hand her a glass of <insert liquid de jour here>..
She would find a way to drench that keyboard with the liquid.
I don't even get mad anymore. I just give the latest victim as dignified a burial as I can and fire up Amazon.
Her next victim will be here in two days. If anyone wants to leave condolences in advance, you can do so in response to this and I will relay them.